A TRUE Christian Perspective on Gay Marriage: STOP hating and START loving

My friend on Facebook recently posted the picture to the left on her FB page as her main photo. Being a Christian she received basically two hate messages because of her decision to support gay marriage. This broke my heart and compelled me to make a post on my blog about this topic.

I have so many gay friends and they are wonderful people that I love. I feel like I've come to a point in my life where I can honestly say that I support their choice to want to be married. Being a Christian it has always been hard to be 'okay' with the whole 'gay' topic. So many Christians are vehemently opposed to it and see it as sin. But nowhere in the Bible does it say anything about gay marriage or what stance we're supposed to take on it and I believe its because God knew He wanted to give us a choice on what to choose. You think that God's surprised that gay marriage is trying to be a social norm? Absolutely NOT! I can imagine it now. God's in heaven and says to Jesus, "Wow, I never saw that coming! Why don't we tell Christians to stand up for 'their rights' as our personal vindicators so that they can stop all of this sin thats happening that we Never knew was going to happen in the first place. Phew, good thing we have self-righteous Christians down on earth to defend our name! Otherwise we wouldn't be able to defend ourselves." Yeah. I somehow don't think thats how it went down.

The problem with all of this is how certain people are treating this topic. Christians don't realize when they take such a hard stance that really they are judging others which turns to anger and then to hate. The thing is we don't see people getting this mad at 'sins' like 'jealousy' or 'anger' or 'judging' or 'hatred' or 'pride' or 'gossip' -- Sin is sin, so why do people decide to put a level on it? Christians can somehow love people with those sins listed but when it comes to the 'gay sin' it's sooooo taboo. 

On the internet there are pictures like these:

I the think one could substitute the words 'homosexuals' and 'gay marriage' for the words like 'haters' and "judgmental people" and honestly ANY sin that a person commits could be substituted. The sign would read, "Haters, judgmental people, jealous people, angry people, envious people, prideful people, fearful people...etc...are possessed by demons and deserve to be hanged." Sounds awesome doesn't it?  Sounds WRONG doesn't it? Honestly, who would ever feel right putting someone else's sins or their own sins on a sign and persecuting themselves or other people for it? Oh wait...we don't do that, BUT it's okay to signpost the 'gay sin' and bash people because it's a sin that's WORSE than other the other sins people deal with. News flash everyone: God DOES NOT put a measure on sin because when He looks at us He sees us ALL the same -- SINNERS. We are all sinners and anyone would hate to have their sin put on a signpost so why do it? Oh yeah...because we're operating out of a 'right' to defend God and out of pride and fear. Awesome. NOT. 

Is being gay really a sin? Does it say somewhere in the Bible, "thou shall not be gay"? If it does, please tell me because that would be news to me. And being an abomination as the 3rd picture depicts is something that God has judged and will deal with when He feels its right to deal with it. And HE is the ONLY one who has a RIGHT to deal with it -- NOT us. So why are Christians trying to be God when it comes to this topic? He never gave us the right to play God and judge people. So why are Christians doing this? Oh...that's right...pride and fear. God also NEVER said take these old laws and persecute people with them. Besides Leviticus is under the OLD covenant not the NEW covenant. I think people need to refresh their Bible knowledge and seek their real answers in the New Testament. Show me a verse in the NT that talks about the 'gay sin' and I'd love to talk it over with you. Not debate it, but rather discuss it. 

We were never called to hate/judge people to Jesus so why do Christians pick something out like gay marriage and do the opposite of what the Bible says? I dont think I remember anywhere in the Bible where it EVEN says that being gay or lesbian is a sin. Oh sure I know what Romans says (and it does NOT say being gay is a sin) but what the Bible DOES say is that we're called to LOVE our neighbors as Jesus did and gays and lesbians ARE our neighbors. If Jesus went around with an opinion about every sin and vocalized it to everyone and gossiped about it (which is what people are doing about this topic via social media and in their homes, public and private places, and even in church congregations) He would have NEVER won anyone over or healed them or saved them. So I wish everyone would stop judging and start loving.

Either the Bible is Truth or it's false. It's funny how people pick and choose what "they want" to follow in the Bible and in doing so they are really just contradicting their belief system because they are only following what they want to believe and not ALL of the Bible and honestly it's what makes them hypocrites. And this is exactly what Jesus hated and detested. Sadly many Christians have become Pharisees and Saducees without even realizing it. We are so quick to cast the first stone or rather put up the signpost or post an opinion on social media instead of doing what Christ called us to do: Love the sinner. And hating/judging these types of Christians who are hating/judging people for their uniqueness or choice of lifestyle is just as bad. I know because the Holy Spirit convicted me for persecuting the haters and it taught me a valuable lesson--we can't hate/judge people to the TRUTH; we can only LOVE people to the truth. I was hating on haters that detested gay marriage and I realized that I was judging the haters and those who were judging. It was all a vicious cycle and it all comes down to misunderstanding. Christians don't understand gays and lesbians so they persecute them. Other Christians, gays, and lesbians persecute the Christians that persecute them. It's all just a big fucked up mess if you ask me. 

Where does it say in the Bible to hate/judge those who choose to support gay marriage or to hate/judge those who choose NOT to support gay marriage? Oh thats right...it doesn't say that anywhere. Now what was that whole thing on love? Oh, Christ calls us to LOVE people exactly where they are. If you don't agree with gay marriage - don't vote for it. And if you do support it - vote for it! Plain and simple as that. But please STOP hating and STOP judging and STOP vocalizing your opinion of hate, judgment, or anger. It's honestly just hypocritical and not very Christ like at all. And that goes for both sides. 

A friend off my FB posted the above picture
on his "Do's" and "Don't's" regarding
the  topic of gay marriage

The problem is that people think they have a RIGHT to stand up for Christ and 'their belief system' but that's exactly the WHOLE problem. Christ doesn't need anyone to stand up for Him; His TRUTH defends Himself and His LOVE wins people over. He NEVER asked us to defend Him anywhere in the Bible. He NEVER said to take up in His Name a cause like fighting and giving an angry judgmental opinion on gay marriage. So the problem isn't Jesus Christ; the problem is 'your belief system.' What is your belief system founded on? If it's the Bible, I encourage you to read it again. I encourage you to know what your fighting for and against. Because honestly you just MIGHT be fighting for 'your' belief system and not for Gods.

I don't know about you but I'm on Jesus' side. The side where He calls us to LOVE. The side where He says not to Judge. The side where He says not to hate. The side where He says hate in the heart is the same thing as murder. The side where He says love thy [gay] neighbor as thyself. The side where He says love conquers all.

One day you'll see...we're all on the same side - so why are you fighting so hard to be right? It sounds like a heart issue to me. People usually oppose an idea for one of two reasons: pride or fear. So my question is, which one are you? If its pride, or fear, or both -- there's lots of verses in the Bible for both those issues. God calls us to not operate out of pride or fear, so whats your excuse? Isn't it interesting that there's not really any verses or any at all on the topic of gays and lesbians but there are a ton of verses to help those who are persecuting others for their differences (pride and fear)? Hmmmm...God must have known this was all going to happen and that is exactly why He sent His only Son to die on the cross. So that ALL of us sinners who are sinning over this topic (on either side) would be forgiven so we could learn to understand each other, hopefully forgive each other, leave it up to our own personal decisions, and move on.

2nd part to friends post

Jesus Christ is big enough to defend Himself and all that He has called us to do is love one another. He has also called us to set the captives free, heal the sick, take care of the widows and orphans, raise the dead and to do more miracles than He even did. Now thats a whole other topic, but if all we do is sit here and debate, judge, give opinions, and hate on gays/lesbians or on the haters then how can we have time to do that other stuff? Yeah, you know...the stuff Christ actually called us to do. Come on people. Lets put our big girl and big boy pants on and start acting a little bit more mature. Because honestly...all this arguing and taking sides just reminds me of high school all over again. Lets grow up, be mature and STOP doing what the Bible tells us NOT to do and START doing the things we're called to do: set the captives free, heal the sick, take care of the widows and orphans, raise the dead, do more miracles than Jesus did and LOVE one another as Christ LOVED such a sinner as us. 

I hope you'll join me in the cause to love gays/lesbians and any other person we don't understand including all the haters. When we stop concentrating on all the judgmental attitudes, anger, and hate we can actually START to heal our broken world.

Courageous

We were MADE to be courageous: lyrics from a Casting Crown song that changed my life forever last year. Jared and I had been doing the Cares Ministry for 1.4 years and I felt like God was tugging at my heart. I wanted to do more but I kept making excuses of why I couldn't do more for the kingdom of God. I felt like I had a right to be selfish. 

I worked full-time as a Production Arts Assistant, was taking college classes, and serving my community part-time by throwing social events, welcoming and checking up on residents.  I just wanted to skate on by doing the bare minimum and get done serving my community so I could move onto the next chapter in my life.

But God wanted more; He knew I was capable of spreading the Gospel and telling people of the goodness of God's glory b/c of the crazy messed up life I had lived. I come from severe abuse and hurt - a broken family and troubled childhood and youth. But I was afraid. Afraid that people would judge me for my faith and beliefs. Afraid that I might offend someone. Afraid that I would lose friendships; afraid that I would say the wrong thing, look at them wrong, judge myself, and maybe even judge them. So many fears choked my soul from sharing the goodness of God.

Then we started to get trained on how to get pass our fears; how to be fearless in the name of Christ--but I still couldn't find the confidence to share His love. That's about the time I decided I want to serve in high school. I told myself it would be easier to give wisdom to teenagers because they want to soak it up a lot more readily than an adult would. I told myself adults are too hard of a ministry and I need to start with something smaller. The interesting thing is...God wasn't sending me teenagers, He was sending me adults. And I...well I was running away. Who wants to help adults who have their own set of beliefs, who are stuck in their ways, who don't want to change and stop their sin? Who wants to do that ministry? I knew I didn't because I wanted something easier. I wanted to talk to those who would listen. Those who were thirsty. Those who were broken. Those who were crying out for a Saviour. I wanted to point them to Jesus so they could find their Rock and their Salvation, who is Christ Jesus. So that's when I wanted to go into high school ministry. 

I called up my friend Tracy, who the Youth Director at Northwood Presbyterian Church her in good ol' San Antone. I asked her if I could come to one of her High School (HS) meet-ups so I can see if I wanted to serve in HS. I met them up at a Starbucks (I think) in Alamo Heights. They were talking about Lent and even though they don't practice it, Tracy found value in it and asked them if they wouldn't mind observing Lent so that they could learn something about God. It was a great conversation about what all these teenagers felt like they wanted to give up so they could concentrate more on God. Through the conversation I was able to speak wisdom into several of the HS students. I started to realize I have a lot of Godly knowledge I could give to people and I started to get excited for the prospects of student ministry. 

We closed for the night and Tracy and I decided to hang out a little and chat. I wanted to tell her how I felt like the Holy Spirit was asking me to do more, but how I didn't want to do more because I was Soooo busy. One of my biggest problems is over filling my schedule because I don't ask the Lord first before I start commitments; a lesson I'm learning currently and a hard one at that. I then told her how I had a fear of sharing my faith. I didn't want to be rejected or to offend anyone. She gave me some really amazing advice and I try to use it whenever if not at ALL times possible. She said to share my faith by helping people with their problems by telling things from my perspective of how I would handle the situation. Innately my faith will come out when I share how God helped me through the situation it's me sharing my faith with someone so they can see Jesus through my actions. It was incredible advice and it took a heavy burden off my chest and I began to get excited for ministry. 

Her husband called and she had to leave. I got into the car and the radio was tuned to KLove. Someone was telling a story about how their father was on his death bed and he was so unashamed of the gospel his whole life and was telling people about Jesus on his way to his eternal home. It touched my heart and confirmed that God wanted me to do ministry. Then KLove played the song Courageous by Casting Crowns. I didn't know at the time that it was a Casting Crowns song. And this song was the start of God's ministry through me. Here's the lyrics:

We were made to be courageous
We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chains
We were made to be courageous
We were made to be courageous

We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we're watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away

Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of our hearts cry
We will serve the Lord

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

This is our resolution
Our answer to the call
We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall

We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside
May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of God arise

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly with your God

In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand

In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

We were made to be courageous
Lord, make us courageous

After I heard this song and because God was orchestrating divine appointments all around me, I began to run full fledge towards ministry and sharing the gospel without shame or fear. I was bold. I was excited. I wanted to be used. I wanted to be fearless. I wanted to be Courageous. 

Then the enemy attacked. I got prideful because I could hear God and then the enemy used people to persecute me. At first, it didn't deter me. But then the those thoughts that corrupt and try to steal, kill, and destroy me crept in. I couldn't handle it all and that's when I stopped doing ministry. I lost heart. I felt like I couldn't do ministry. I wasn't bold, fearless, or courageous. I was knocked down and it drove me into one of my darkest depressions I had ever experienced. I didn't want to ministry. I was mad at God for using me like He had b/c people thought I was crazy. I didn't want to do anything and then my thoughts turned inward and I started to attack myself. I had dark thoughts; most of which were very selfish. It was a low I'd never experienced. I honestly just wanted to die and go to heaven so I could be with all the crazy people like Moses, Abraham, Paul, and Jesus. 

If you've read my previous blogs, you'll know that God pulled me out of that darkness and showed me who He is in a very powerful way. Fast forward to the current. I started to worship, pray, and read my Bible again -- which last year I was afraid to do because I was afraid to hear God speaking to me. I didn't want people to call me crazy anymore so I refused to do anything that would help me get out of the muck and honestly that was just a way that the enemy traps was trapping me in my depression. So I started to come back to my walk with the Lord. I was praising God and praying and I started to hear Him again, but this time it was in my soul -- it was that small quiet voice. I started to get thirsty and all I wanted was to know MORE about God. Then ministry started again, but this time I was much wiser and I was listening to Holy Spirit as He guided me through ministry. I no longer want to operate out of my pride, but out of humility. I hope if I do get prideful, people in my life that I trust and love would check me but with love and not anger. 

Now some of you may be wondering...what does ministry look like. You see dear reader, we're all actually meant to do ministry because our very life that we live is a ministry. Every person we meet is a ministry opportunity and actually even creatures and inanimate things too. We have to be good stewards of everything in our life. Whether it be our pets, our spouse, family, friends, people we meet randomly in stores, people standing out on the road flashing sales signs, homeless, people we work with, our money, our possessions, tweets, Facebook posts--everything we do and have is a ministry. It's being able to look at all of these things and submit it all to God. His Holy Spirit is a gift to us that helps us to steward all of these things correctly. As we follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in these things--that's when God starts sending people in numbers to you because He knows you're submitted to His Holy Spirit and He knows you don't have a hidden agenda. He knows you understand His Heart for those who have been mistreated. He knows that you will direct them to Him and not to you. Some mistake ministry and try to build a kingdom for themselves. It's not about kingdom building it's about Kingdom building -- God's kingdom, not ours. All that ministry is, is directing people back to God so that He is their source and nothing else. We're not God so we can't pretend to know everything. God knows exactly what each person needs and wants. He really just wants us to turn to Him, but we like to get advice and have others speak into our lives b/c we don't know if we can hear God. The truth is...the sheep know the Shepherds voice. So lets be the light and direct everyone back to the Shepherd. 

If none of this makes sense, but you would like to know more -- please send me a message via Facebook. www.facebook.com/virgGran

So...now that I'm running after God and directing all the lost sheep back to Him, I'm also learning that God wants to bless those who do His Good Will. God started to give me the littlest things in my heart. The things I didn't think anyone cared about. The things that no one knows about but the thins God knows I desire. Psalm 37:4-7. Then God started telling me He was going to start give me huge desires. All the dreams in my heart that I have is who He created me to be and He's going to make all my dreams come true and even the stupid little things. He also promised to give Jared and I a big house that we can't afford, but a house that He can afford. I'm telling y'all GOD IS GOOD and He gives GOOD gifts. My life will always be a testimony and it will always be because I'm submitted to Him and because I give Him ALL the glory.

One of the gifts God gave me through a good friend was box seats to the San Antonio Rodeo and the Casting Crowns concert. I didn't really know who they were. I knew that I heard of them and probably liked their music but I wasn't sure which songs they sang. I ended up realizing that I pretty much love ALL their songs and knew the words to most of them and then I heard the song Courageous and that's when I knew God had ordained for me to get FREE box seat tickets. God wanted to show me that He loved me for being His good and faithful servant. I can't tell you how much love was in my heart and how much joy consumed my soul. It also made me realize that God created me to be COURAGEOUS. What do you know...I'm starting ministry all over again and God used the same song He used last year to show me that I'm exactly where I need to be in life.

Dear reader be bold. Be fearless. Be humble. And most of all be courageous in the Lord.

Here's the link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM

Christians go through Depression too

I've been wanting to do the Paleo diet for over a month now! I have a girlfriend who does crossfit and eats the paleo diet and I've been wanting to start this diet to be healthy. Jared and I have started to work out for the first time in our marriage really consistently. Jared does it more than I do because he has to for PT in the military. We want to feel healthy and be in shape, not because we're overweight or anything but because I really believe that our bodies are the temple of God and He wants us to be healthy. 

I was having back problems consistently and my body was going numb, mostly my legs and rear end because of sitting ALL DAY long for jobs. One time my whole right side went numb and a nurse on the phone told me to call a paremedic. I told her it wasn't that serious but she insisted. They thought it was signs of a stroke, but I'm too young to have a stroke. What it turned out to be is that I have poor circulation (well no one has diagnosed me, but that's what I figure it is b/c the doctors couldn't figure out what it was). I also think I had some sort of nerve issues from sitting all day. Needless to say I came to a breaking point because I was getting headaches and stomach aches and well I went through a massive depression last year because of everything that happened to me before we came to the Stone. A bunch of Christians were calling me crazy because I did what God had told me to do. They said I was mentally insane and that the devil was controlling me and honestly that drove me into depression. 

I finally asked God to leave me alone because He kept speaking to me in His audible voice and told me to do stuff to further His kingdom and I was but I couldn't anymore because people thought I was crazy. I couldn't handle it. So I asked Him to stop. That's when I went through a massive depression. God tried to help me and let me know He was there, but I was so afraid He would start talking to me again. I knew what I needed to do to get close to God but I was afraid to. I knew I needed to worship God, pray and read my Bible but I was too afraid. 

Before my depression started the Lord led us to the Stone purely by accident but no surprise to God. When I first came to the Stone in San Antonio Texas I was on Fire for the Lord and confident in who I was because I could hear God and I was running after ministry. I was doing all kinds of ministry: setting captives free and God even used me to heal a man - it was amazing and humbling at the same time. When my depression started, I withdrew and didn't want to talk to anyone at the Stone and honestly anyone in life. I was socially awkward and hated being around people. Jared would make me go out with friends and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole in die. It was SOOOO hard for me to be around people - which if anyone knows me this IS NOT normal. 

I was so depressed I wanted to die - not for selfish reasons. I just wanted to die to be in heaven with all the crazy people like Abraham and Moses and all the prophets (God told me I was a prophet and have been my whole life & that scared people). When the shooting happened in Colorado I was so depressed that I got angry at God for not letting me be in that movie theater because I know I would have jumped in front of a bullet to save someone so I could die and go to heaven. That's how severe my depression was; I couldn't grieve or be sad for those people because I was so selfish and depressed. I went home crying everyday and wanting to die. It was really hard for Jared and I am so grateful that God gave me such a man of God like him. The Stone and other things like KLove and sermons at my work saved me, but this one book really saved me. 

Anyways, in the middle of my depression I found myself attracted to this book someone gave me for serving in their ministry earlier in the year. I had never read it. I think that God perfectly plans when we read books, btw:) I picked up the book, Who Switched My Brain Off, By Dr. Caroline Leaf. I read it and it was exactly what I needed. I'm a right and left brain person so I took a bunch of biology, chemistry, and psychology classes in college because I thought I wanted to do something in the medical field for a while. I loved it because God showed me how detailed He made our bodies to be. The premise of the book is from a Christian perspective how our bodies line up with The Word of God. It talked about how when we think negatively it send negative chemicals throughout our body. Those negative chemicals effect everything form how our body works to our emotions. Then what happens is the negative thoughts kill the good branches that are forming in our brains. These thoughts keep killing these branches as we continue to think negatively until there are no branches left and we become severely depressed or completely ill. She talked a lot about illness too and how when people buy into the illness - they get worse. Well then she said that we need positive chemicals to flow through our body to fight the negative chemicals and one of the best ways to get positive chemicals flowing is by working out. When you work out, you release positive chemicals in the brain which helps to combat all the negative chemicals that are bombarding us. This book literally saved my life. And so did everything else. I'm so much better now and God is using me again. He's not speaking to me audibly but inside my soul. 

People can be evil to each other, but God will never leave nor forsake us. Believe that dear reader. The enemy is out to kill, steal and destroy your soul, but God always has a greater purpose for your life. 

Jesus loves when we share our trials and tribulations,

Virg

P.S. Here's a link to that book:

http://www.christianbook.com/who-switched-off-my-brain/caroline-leaf/9780980122329/pd/122329?en=google-pla&kw=backorders-0-20&p=1167941&gclid=CJPezvPLnLUCFY6PPAodRksAkg 

P.S.S. Here's a song that I love because it really explains what I needed--a miracle. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmhNZkyGloc

Perfect Timing

Sometimes we don't realize that Gods doing the work for us and we want to jump the gun and do it ourselves. God's the God of timing. It's so hard not to force the outcome and just to wait.

Joseph didn't pursue his opportunities God blessed him with opportunities. He just had the right heart through all his situations even though he was wronged so many times in his life. If you don't know the story of Joseph in the Bible...I'd encourage you to read it. It's in Genesis. Joseph was betrayed by his own family and sold into slavery.

How many of us have felt betrayed by our families? Now this doesn't have to your physical biological family or it could be. I think we all experience betrayal at one point in time or another, I just happened to have experienced multiple times in my life - sadly. But what it has done is made me a stronger person. I would never wish betrayal, hurt or any maliciousness or painful experience on anyone, but I will say that these heartache experiences that bring us to our knees are the moments that grow us the most. I've had so much pain in my life and God's growing me by leaps and bounds because I'm finally submitting it all to Him. It's so hard to do but so freeing.

Heaps of Burdens of pains are being lifted off my soul and I have only my Lord and Savior to thank for dying on the cross for me so I wouldn't have to carry all the evil that has been done to me. "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

I don't think believers fully understand the above verse. Christ died so we wouldn't have to suffer. God sent His only begotten Son so we could be free from suffering and so we can be healed completely through the Blood of the Spotless Lamb - who is Jesus. We are so privileged to know a Savior who loved us enough that He stood in the gap of our sinful souls to bridge the chasm that sin had created between us and our Holy Father. Thank you God, Jesus and Holy Spirit for having an ultimate plan to win us back to Your Heart. I am forever indebted for this all consuming love that God has for me, for us, and for every human no matter where they are at in life. God does NOT discriminate against those who are looked down upon by society's and prejudices. He loves all His creations no mater what shape, size, or where their heart lays. He loves everyone with an unbiased heart and I hope He is teaching you how to do the same.

God doesn't enact His plan for our lives quickly. He takes His time. We have so much to learn as we grow as spiritual human beings and God wants to help us to get it right and get it good. He even teaches us through mistakes and failures. He's going to use everything - all the details - just like a potter uses clay and broken pieces to form a new work of art. God will use all our bruises and battle scars for His glory. He wants us to find our identity in Him and nothing else - not things and not people. Our only source should be from the One Who made us - God. So dear reader, stop rushing everything in your life. Stop pushing the fast forward button. Relax. Rest. Wait upon the Lord and He will renew your strength. Wait and you will mount up with wings like an eagle. Wait and you will run and not be weary; you will walk and not faint. Lord teach us to WAIT.

Here's a song thats about waiting on the Lord - I hope you check it out!

http://www.godvine.com/Wait-on-the-Lord-Original-Song-by-Coffey-Anderson-311.html

Beauty from Pain

I'm going through a class right now called Beauty from Ashes. I'm in my third week and so glad I have an awesome friend who cared enough about me to invite me & tell me that I needed this class. I have a lot of skeletons & demons in my closet that I'm dealing with and fresh wounds from the past year.

Okay, I'm about to be REAL and open up a can of Virg Gran - why? B/c I'm sure there are others out there who are going through or have gone through some of the terrible things that I have & really just need a light & a beacon to know that they can weather the storm & reach the other side. I'm living proof that you'll get through this (thanks max Lucado for always coining that saying - lol), but dear reader - you will. In your darkest moments the enemy throws every temptation at you to kill, steal, and destroy who you are. And he's a sneaky little devil b/c he laces the temptation with something that seems like a fix to your problem & that actually feels really good - at least momentarily, but all it really does is prolong the pain & he's trying to do is kill your very soul & annihilate any good that's left in you. Satan wants you to suffer b/c thats who he is & he uses principalities of darkness & an assault of an evil onslaught of tricks & tools to make you absolutely miserable and honestly to hate yourself and ultimately to hate God for not being there for you.

But I'm going to let you in on a secret.
God hasn't left you & He's right there with you holding you, drying your tears & crying that you have to go through this. But why?! Why is He sitting on the sidelines watching every detail of every horrible thing happen to you and doing absolutely nothing to help you?! I'll tell you why, but it's not b/c God is out to get you or that He doesn't love you and just wants you to suffer. It's because people are sinners and we hurt each other, especially ourselves, without rhyme or reason b/c there is evil in our hearts. And God, as great and powerful as He is, loves everyone of us - He loves us so much and even the evil people in our lives (sometime its ourselves) that He gives us free will to choose to do what we want to each other and ourselves. Free will is a bitch (sorry those of you that don't like cuss words) but it really is. God can't stop the evil in the hearts of others or ourselves (unless peeps are interceding & praying for that person) b/c He loves us all so much that He gives us free will to choose. Free will to make mistakes. Free will to be evil to each other. To hate each other. Despise each other. Be jealous. Hurt one another. To do every evil vice humanly possible to each other. To kill, steal, and destroy each other and we even do this to ourselves.

But wait, there's good news! He also gave us free will to love each other. To lift up. To encourage. To ask forgiveness. To keep no record of wrong. To forgive. To speak/write words of wisdom. To take care of each other when we're going through our darkest hour. You see dear reader, God wanted us all to be in relationship with one another but He never meant for us to hurt, harm, and for us to destroy each other. Unfortunately we live in a fallen world and we do do all these terrible things to each other & ourselves. But there is hope. There is a way out. I promise b/c I know God's promise;) This dark night that is your life is falling to pieces all around you and it seems like there will never be a light to save you. But that is the lie of the enemy. There is way b/c there's Always a way. And here's my biggest secret: the only way out of the miry muck is through God. He is the rock that you need to build your foundation on. He is the strength that will carry you through. He is the light that will take away the darkness. He is exactly what you need to get through this terrible time. And maybe you're running from His love right now...well I'm here to say: STOP! Stop running from the Only one who can save you. Stop running from your problems. Stop. Just stop. He's trying to tell you that He loves you - that he loves all of you - no matter what you've done. I know b/c I've been there. Let go & let God;)

Well I feel like I've written a book, mostly b/c I'm typing this on my iphone and it's taking me forever! Lol, but I didn't even touch that can of Virg I thought i was when I started this post. Guess God had something else in mind and I guess you'll have to keep reading my posts to find out;) muhahahahahahhhahaaaaa! (that was completely & totally an evil laugh like Dracula.) LMAO. Blogging is like a box of chocolates, You never know what you're gonna write or read;) ha! One last nugget before I go - just know you're not alone cuz God never leaves nor forsakes us and I promise God WILL bring beauty from all of this pain;) sheez! Im walking, living, breathing proof! So kick your pain in the ass & start hoping, living, and honestly being you - the best you - the person God meant for you to be.

P.S.
Here's my anthem song that has carried me through a lot of shiz & I hope will carry you also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-GPbYcTDbQ

A life worth living

It seems its yet another year that I am attempting to write on this blog. You would think since I want to be a writer so bad that I might be able to do this blog thing. But alas...I think this blog has been in existence since 2008 & I only have a handful of writings. Maybe I just don't want everyone in my crazy but beautiful planted garden that I tend to that is my mind. I like to keep some things to myself as Florence & the machine would say;) I feel like every new year I'm excited & can't wait to see what the new year holds. Then the year goes by and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything, but random ideas that seem to go nowhere. I then get down on myself because I want so much more out of life. I want to live a live worthy of the calling I have received, but I tend to confuse this calling with the life I want to live. Or is it all one and the same? I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of indecisiveness that chokes the beauty that wants to flow out of my soul. I say all this, but i also realize I've learned so much from my past even this last year. I feel like Gods trying to teach me so much, but all I want to do is RUN (faster than a bullet...) b/c its uncomfortable & I want to do what seems right to MY flesh & MY emotions. But I know it's just fear that drives me. Fear I'll never amount to anything. Fear that I'll fail. Fear that I am failing. Fear that my dreams are too big for this small brown woman. Fear that I'll never become who God truly created me to be.

But He created me to be fearfully & wonderfully made. Fear is from the enemy. My past doesn't bind me it makes me who I am and I learn the most from it. I'm learning to embrace everything I've done b/c its no surprise to God & He orders the footsteps of the righteous. As long as my heart seeks His & even when I'm not seeking Him - He will continue to pursue me and show me His love & show me that He wants to use every part of my life - mistakes, wrong turns, past, present, and even the evil in my heart. I can't run away from being a sinner but I can run to Him, repent and seek guidance and comfort. The truth is we weren't meant to be spotless & perfect. We can't, only Christ can. He wants our heart not fir us to be puppets. He wants us to chase after the dreams we think unobtainable b/c He put those dreams there deep within the recess of our inner being b/c its who He made us to be. The hard part is the process & having patience through. Its hard b/c I want to fast-forward & say, "Look ma, I did it." Instant gratification. But that only seems to come with a price. It took Jesus 30 some years to do His calling, but the sad part is we never get to read what happened before His ministry started. He left it a mystery and we can learn so much from that.

Gods got me right where He knew I would be. He's cooking up something good & I'm so blessed & honored to be a part of it.

This year I'm learning how to finally honor my husband by letting him be the covering no matter how much I want to fight to make my own dang decision (sooooooo hard for this control freak to do, btw...); trying to pay more attention to my body & how it reacts so I can take care of this Holy Temple by eating right, exercising, & not over eating; learning how to love all of me & all my past & current mistakes; pursuing my creative side more; write more consistently; be content with where I am in life; not wanting more b/c God is my provider not me; build wonderful relationships with family & friends; love fiercely; confess faster; let God in finally; allow myself to heal fully from brokenness; and most importantly reflect the glory of God - which coincidently is who He made me to be - free in His love & free to choose a life worth living.

Day 2 of Bath Products Research & Theory: Envy Organics

Today's going to be a shorter blog. I want to write about other things going on in my life so this post on my research will be brief. A good friend of mine knew that I was doing research on products and knew that I like organic products so she gave me a bottle of Envy Organics Nutrient Shampoo & Conditioner. She sells this product from the Envy Organics line and I highly recommend buying it for several reasons. For starters, it smells delictable because it's scent is papaya pineapple - which is a heavenly aroma that I could sniff all day long like crack. Secondly, I lost less hair using the product. Please view my youtube video to see the results from my hair loss. When I used the "Yes" products I lost significantly more hair and on the video it almost looks like double hair loss. What's more interesting is when I use other hair products that are not natural/organic I lose even more hair! Crazy!?! I know!!! What are we doing to ourselves? Or an even better question - what are companies doing to our hair???

The only thing about Envy Organics Nutrient Shampoo & Conditioner is that it's pretty expensive for such a small bottle. It's an 8oz bottle for a whopping 18 buckaroos - that's a bit pricey for my blood. My friend said that it takes a month and half to 2 months to finish the bottle which is crazy because I usually use the same bottle for MONTHS. But here's the thing - if I do these testings and find out that this product makes me lose LESS hair than all the others, I may just be pulling out the wallet and buying this product. Which by the way - if any of you are interested in buying this product now or once I'm done with this testing - please let me know so you can buy it through my friend and not just the company.

On another note, my friend Lacey was over at my place today and I was showing her my hair loss between the 2 products and she actually made a great suggestion. She said I ought to use the same shampoo & conditioner for a whole week and record the results rather than day by day. She said this will help weed out other possible side affects that could cause hair loss like what I eat during the day or any other factor. Now, don't worry, I'm not going to get all technical about this experiment and tell you the details of what I eat every day, but I will be taking her suggestion and testing by the week to see if my hair loss is different throughout the week so that we know that the hair loss from the products are consistent to the product and not some other factor.

Again thanks for stopping by and I hope you feel more informed. Here's the link to my youtube video & sorry that's its shaky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fs8Av-dAY8&feature=youtu.be