Christians go through Depression too

I've been wanting to do the Paleo diet for over a month now! I have a girlfriend who does crossfit and eats the paleo diet and I've been wanting to start this diet to be healthy. Jared and I have started to work out for the first time in our marriage really consistently. Jared does it more than I do because he has to for PT in the military. We want to feel healthy and be in shape, not because we're overweight or anything but because I really believe that our bodies are the temple of God and He wants us to be healthy. 

I was having back problems consistently and my body was going numb, mostly my legs and rear end because of sitting ALL DAY long for jobs. One time my whole right side went numb and a nurse on the phone told me to call a paremedic. I told her it wasn't that serious but she insisted. They thought it was signs of a stroke, but I'm too young to have a stroke. What it turned out to be is that I have poor circulation (well no one has diagnosed me, but that's what I figure it is b/c the doctors couldn't figure out what it was). I also think I had some sort of nerve issues from sitting all day. Needless to say I came to a breaking point because I was getting headaches and stomach aches and well I went through a massive depression last year because of everything that happened to me before we came to the Stone. A bunch of Christians were calling me crazy because I did what God had told me to do. They said I was mentally insane and that the devil was controlling me and honestly that drove me into depression. 

I finally asked God to leave me alone because He kept speaking to me in His audible voice and told me to do stuff to further His kingdom and I was but I couldn't anymore because people thought I was crazy. I couldn't handle it. So I asked Him to stop. That's when I went through a massive depression. God tried to help me and let me know He was there, but I was so afraid He would start talking to me again. I knew what I needed to do to get close to God but I was afraid to. I knew I needed to worship God, pray and read my Bible but I was too afraid. 

Before my depression started the Lord led us to the Stone purely by accident but no surprise to God. When I first came to the Stone in San Antonio Texas I was on Fire for the Lord and confident in who I was because I could hear God and I was running after ministry. I was doing all kinds of ministry: setting captives free and God even used me to heal a man - it was amazing and humbling at the same time. When my depression started, I withdrew and didn't want to talk to anyone at the Stone and honestly anyone in life. I was socially awkward and hated being around people. Jared would make me go out with friends and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole in die. It was SOOOO hard for me to be around people - which if anyone knows me this IS NOT normal. 

I was so depressed I wanted to die - not for selfish reasons. I just wanted to die to be in heaven with all the crazy people like Abraham and Moses and all the prophets (God told me I was a prophet and have been my whole life & that scared people). When the shooting happened in Colorado I was so depressed that I got angry at God for not letting me be in that movie theater because I know I would have jumped in front of a bullet to save someone so I could die and go to heaven. That's how severe my depression was; I couldn't grieve or be sad for those people because I was so selfish and depressed. I went home crying everyday and wanting to die. It was really hard for Jared and I am so grateful that God gave me such a man of God like him. The Stone and other things like KLove and sermons at my work saved me, but this one book really saved me. 

Anyways, in the middle of my depression I found myself attracted to this book someone gave me for serving in their ministry earlier in the year. I had never read it. I think that God perfectly plans when we read books, btw:) I picked up the book, Who Switched My Brain Off, By Dr. Caroline Leaf. I read it and it was exactly what I needed. I'm a right and left brain person so I took a bunch of biology, chemistry, and psychology classes in college because I thought I wanted to do something in the medical field for a while. I loved it because God showed me how detailed He made our bodies to be. The premise of the book is from a Christian perspective how our bodies line up with The Word of God. It talked about how when we think negatively it send negative chemicals throughout our body. Those negative chemicals effect everything form how our body works to our emotions. Then what happens is the negative thoughts kill the good branches that are forming in our brains. These thoughts keep killing these branches as we continue to think negatively until there are no branches left and we become severely depressed or completely ill. She talked a lot about illness too and how when people buy into the illness - they get worse. Well then she said that we need positive chemicals to flow through our body to fight the negative chemicals and one of the best ways to get positive chemicals flowing is by working out. When you work out, you release positive chemicals in the brain which helps to combat all the negative chemicals that are bombarding us. This book literally saved my life. And so did everything else. I'm so much better now and God is using me again. He's not speaking to me audibly but inside my soul. 

People can be evil to each other, but God will never leave nor forsake us. Believe that dear reader. The enemy is out to kill, steal and destroy your soul, but God always has a greater purpose for your life. 

Jesus loves when we share our trials and tribulations,

Virg

P.S. Here's a link to that book:

http://www.christianbook.com/who-switched-off-my-brain/caroline-leaf/9780980122329/pd/122329?en=google-pla&kw=backorders-0-20&p=1167941&gclid=CJPezvPLnLUCFY6PPAodRksAkg 

P.S.S. Here's a song that I love because it really explains what I needed--a miracle. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmhNZkyGloc