Perfect Timing

Sometimes we don't realize that Gods doing the work for us and we want to jump the gun and do it ourselves. God's the God of timing. It's so hard not to force the outcome and just to wait.

Joseph didn't pursue his opportunities God blessed him with opportunities. He just had the right heart through all his situations even though he was wronged so many times in his life. If you don't know the story of Joseph in the Bible...I'd encourage you to read it. It's in Genesis. Joseph was betrayed by his own family and sold into slavery.

How many of us have felt betrayed by our families? Now this doesn't have to your physical biological family or it could be. I think we all experience betrayal at one point in time or another, I just happened to have experienced multiple times in my life - sadly. But what it has done is made me a stronger person. I would never wish betrayal, hurt or any maliciousness or painful experience on anyone, but I will say that these heartache experiences that bring us to our knees are the moments that grow us the most. I've had so much pain in my life and God's growing me by leaps and bounds because I'm finally submitting it all to Him. It's so hard to do but so freeing.

Heaps of Burdens of pains are being lifted off my soul and I have only my Lord and Savior to thank for dying on the cross for me so I wouldn't have to carry all the evil that has been done to me. "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

I don't think believers fully understand the above verse. Christ died so we wouldn't have to suffer. God sent His only begotten Son so we could be free from suffering and so we can be healed completely through the Blood of the Spotless Lamb - who is Jesus. We are so privileged to know a Savior who loved us enough that He stood in the gap of our sinful souls to bridge the chasm that sin had created between us and our Holy Father. Thank you God, Jesus and Holy Spirit for having an ultimate plan to win us back to Your Heart. I am forever indebted for this all consuming love that God has for me, for us, and for every human no matter where they are at in life. God does NOT discriminate against those who are looked down upon by society's and prejudices. He loves all His creations no mater what shape, size, or where their heart lays. He loves everyone with an unbiased heart and I hope He is teaching you how to do the same.

God doesn't enact His plan for our lives quickly. He takes His time. We have so much to learn as we grow as spiritual human beings and God wants to help us to get it right and get it good. He even teaches us through mistakes and failures. He's going to use everything - all the details - just like a potter uses clay and broken pieces to form a new work of art. God will use all our bruises and battle scars for His glory. He wants us to find our identity in Him and nothing else - not things and not people. Our only source should be from the One Who made us - God. So dear reader, stop rushing everything in your life. Stop pushing the fast forward button. Relax. Rest. Wait upon the Lord and He will renew your strength. Wait and you will mount up with wings like an eagle. Wait and you will run and not be weary; you will walk and not faint. Lord teach us to WAIT.

Here's a song thats about waiting on the Lord - I hope you check it out!

http://www.godvine.com/Wait-on-the-Lord-Original-Song-by-Coffey-Anderson-311.html

Beauty from Pain

I'm going through a class right now called Beauty from Ashes. I'm in my third week and so glad I have an awesome friend who cared enough about me to invite me & tell me that I needed this class. I have a lot of skeletons & demons in my closet that I'm dealing with and fresh wounds from the past year.

Okay, I'm about to be REAL and open up a can of Virg Gran - why? B/c I'm sure there are others out there who are going through or have gone through some of the terrible things that I have & really just need a light & a beacon to know that they can weather the storm & reach the other side. I'm living proof that you'll get through this (thanks max Lucado for always coining that saying - lol), but dear reader - you will. In your darkest moments the enemy throws every temptation at you to kill, steal, and destroy who you are. And he's a sneaky little devil b/c he laces the temptation with something that seems like a fix to your problem & that actually feels really good - at least momentarily, but all it really does is prolong the pain & he's trying to do is kill your very soul & annihilate any good that's left in you. Satan wants you to suffer b/c thats who he is & he uses principalities of darkness & an assault of an evil onslaught of tricks & tools to make you absolutely miserable and honestly to hate yourself and ultimately to hate God for not being there for you.

But I'm going to let you in on a secret.
God hasn't left you & He's right there with you holding you, drying your tears & crying that you have to go through this. But why?! Why is He sitting on the sidelines watching every detail of every horrible thing happen to you and doing absolutely nothing to help you?! I'll tell you why, but it's not b/c God is out to get you or that He doesn't love you and just wants you to suffer. It's because people are sinners and we hurt each other, especially ourselves, without rhyme or reason b/c there is evil in our hearts. And God, as great and powerful as He is, loves everyone of us - He loves us so much and even the evil people in our lives (sometime its ourselves) that He gives us free will to choose to do what we want to each other and ourselves. Free will is a bitch (sorry those of you that don't like cuss words) but it really is. God can't stop the evil in the hearts of others or ourselves (unless peeps are interceding & praying for that person) b/c He loves us all so much that He gives us free will to choose. Free will to make mistakes. Free will to be evil to each other. To hate each other. Despise each other. Be jealous. Hurt one another. To do every evil vice humanly possible to each other. To kill, steal, and destroy each other and we even do this to ourselves.

But wait, there's good news! He also gave us free will to love each other. To lift up. To encourage. To ask forgiveness. To keep no record of wrong. To forgive. To speak/write words of wisdom. To take care of each other when we're going through our darkest hour. You see dear reader, God wanted us all to be in relationship with one another but He never meant for us to hurt, harm, and for us to destroy each other. Unfortunately we live in a fallen world and we do do all these terrible things to each other & ourselves. But there is hope. There is a way out. I promise b/c I know God's promise;) This dark night that is your life is falling to pieces all around you and it seems like there will never be a light to save you. But that is the lie of the enemy. There is way b/c there's Always a way. And here's my biggest secret: the only way out of the miry muck is through God. He is the rock that you need to build your foundation on. He is the strength that will carry you through. He is the light that will take away the darkness. He is exactly what you need to get through this terrible time. And maybe you're running from His love right now...well I'm here to say: STOP! Stop running from the Only one who can save you. Stop running from your problems. Stop. Just stop. He's trying to tell you that He loves you - that he loves all of you - no matter what you've done. I know b/c I've been there. Let go & let God;)

Well I feel like I've written a book, mostly b/c I'm typing this on my iphone and it's taking me forever! Lol, but I didn't even touch that can of Virg I thought i was when I started this post. Guess God had something else in mind and I guess you'll have to keep reading my posts to find out;) muhahahahahahhhahaaaaa! (that was completely & totally an evil laugh like Dracula.) LMAO. Blogging is like a box of chocolates, You never know what you're gonna write or read;) ha! One last nugget before I go - just know you're not alone cuz God never leaves nor forsakes us and I promise God WILL bring beauty from all of this pain;) sheez! Im walking, living, breathing proof! So kick your pain in the ass & start hoping, living, and honestly being you - the best you - the person God meant for you to be.

P.S.
Here's my anthem song that has carried me through a lot of shiz & I hope will carry you also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-GPbYcTDbQ

A life worth living

It seems its yet another year that I am attempting to write on this blog. You would think since I want to be a writer so bad that I might be able to do this blog thing. But alas...I think this blog has been in existence since 2008 & I only have a handful of writings. Maybe I just don't want everyone in my crazy but beautiful planted garden that I tend to that is my mind. I like to keep some things to myself as Florence & the machine would say;) I feel like every new year I'm excited & can't wait to see what the new year holds. Then the year goes by and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything, but random ideas that seem to go nowhere. I then get down on myself because I want so much more out of life. I want to live a live worthy of the calling I have received, but I tend to confuse this calling with the life I want to live. Or is it all one and the same? I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of indecisiveness that chokes the beauty that wants to flow out of my soul. I say all this, but i also realize I've learned so much from my past even this last year. I feel like Gods trying to teach me so much, but all I want to do is RUN (faster than a bullet...) b/c its uncomfortable & I want to do what seems right to MY flesh & MY emotions. But I know it's just fear that drives me. Fear I'll never amount to anything. Fear that I'll fail. Fear that I am failing. Fear that my dreams are too big for this small brown woman. Fear that I'll never become who God truly created me to be.

But He created me to be fearfully & wonderfully made. Fear is from the enemy. My past doesn't bind me it makes me who I am and I learn the most from it. I'm learning to embrace everything I've done b/c its no surprise to God & He orders the footsteps of the righteous. As long as my heart seeks His & even when I'm not seeking Him - He will continue to pursue me and show me His love & show me that He wants to use every part of my life - mistakes, wrong turns, past, present, and even the evil in my heart. I can't run away from being a sinner but I can run to Him, repent and seek guidance and comfort. The truth is we weren't meant to be spotless & perfect. We can't, only Christ can. He wants our heart not fir us to be puppets. He wants us to chase after the dreams we think unobtainable b/c He put those dreams there deep within the recess of our inner being b/c its who He made us to be. The hard part is the process & having patience through. Its hard b/c I want to fast-forward & say, "Look ma, I did it." Instant gratification. But that only seems to come with a price. It took Jesus 30 some years to do His calling, but the sad part is we never get to read what happened before His ministry started. He left it a mystery and we can learn so much from that.

Gods got me right where He knew I would be. He's cooking up something good & I'm so blessed & honored to be a part of it.

This year I'm learning how to finally honor my husband by letting him be the covering no matter how much I want to fight to make my own dang decision (sooooooo hard for this control freak to do, btw...); trying to pay more attention to my body & how it reacts so I can take care of this Holy Temple by eating right, exercising, & not over eating; learning how to love all of me & all my past & current mistakes; pursuing my creative side more; write more consistently; be content with where I am in life; not wanting more b/c God is my provider not me; build wonderful relationships with family & friends; love fiercely; confess faster; let God in finally; allow myself to heal fully from brokenness; and most importantly reflect the glory of God - which coincidently is who He made me to be - free in His love & free to choose a life worth living.